I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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