i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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