Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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