The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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