i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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