Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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