I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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