those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize