i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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