Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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