I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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