His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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