I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize