the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize