My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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