you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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