my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
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i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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