Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i've created a new STD.
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize