She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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