Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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