I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize