textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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