I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize