Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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