I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dick very happy bro
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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