You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize