WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize