Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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