your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize