he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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