Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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