upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
there was a trapeze. enough said
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liz is crying about burritos again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize