He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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