dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
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She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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