I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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