I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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