I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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