Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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