so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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