Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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