Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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