You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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