I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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