She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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