How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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