This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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