everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize