holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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