She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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