it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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